Finding the Self
Listening to those Childhood Whispers
It’s the vision
The creative outburst
The return of a fire and energy that you haven’t felt in a long, long time
That sadly, you’d forgotten had existed
You feel motivated, energised, unstoppable
No longer do you feel entirely at the whim of the world
Trapped, lonely and frustrated
Rather you feel liberated
Your energy reserves feel limitless
And your brain just won’t stop spinning with one crazy idea after another
All because of one, albeit slowly, emerging vision
One emerging dream
The Fall
Listening to those childhood whispers
An aching heart
Is an art I had once known
But with the practicalities of life
The invisible pressure of what is respectable
Of what my parents want
The people-pleasing defense mechanisms of the present
Slowly but surely
I said no to myself
To the adventurous
Sporty
Language learning spirit
And instead committed to a path that wasn’t mine
That isn’t mine
Is there any wonder then why I felt so resentful of people in my job who were happy?
Why I felt like an imposter even in the midst of job success?
Is there any wonder why I did not feel at ease when with every waking moment I was unconsciously acting against my very values?
And I was so numb to who I was
My heart so broken
That even considering another path felt impossible
Finding oneself
It is funny how once one starts to listen to the quiet whispers of the heart
When one starts to air their thoughts shyly
Once one returns to their childhood dreams and notions of distant success
Before the weight and expectations of society sinks in
Before the knowledge of what should be and should not is fully moulded in the mind
The heart gets a little bit louder
And the mind works a little bit harder
To subconsciously return to the authentic self
To listen a little bit harder
For those now
Painfully quiet
Whispers
To bring back the you in you
To bring about your true dreams and to push you away from a life and a path you don’t want to live
And as in the Alchemist, the universe begins to conspire in bringing about your dream
The vision
It is why the vision is so powerful
The five year plan
The standard and the measure
The articulation and formulation of a purpose
You have to justify it to yourself first
You have to speak it
Bring your dream and those words into physical existence
Bring what was once intangible into undeniable reality
Before you share it with the world
With friends and family
It is the dream and purpose that guides the propulsion
The actions that form the engine
The engine behind realising a life one truly
Very truly
Wants to live
Facing the fear
It is why then I want to face the second of two fears:
The first comes from never trying out your ideas because you are afraid
Or because you are waiting for the perfect time
This kind of failure you can never learn from
The second kind comes from boldly pursuing your dream
Any failure far outweighed by what you learn
Some questions
- What is your vision? Where do you want to be in the next two years? What about five years?
It helps to map this out on paper but the answer is less important than the fact that you are getting your mind engaged with thinking about what really matters - Does your job energise you? Does it drain you? Does it matter that much to you?
It’s so self-evident but people have completely different values. Some people are happy to work painstaking hours to earn a lot of money and relax on the weekends. Others might hate that lifestyle and may only need a part-time job to structure their life whilst they freelance on the side. - What would you do as a job even if you were not paid to do it?
What things do you do for the intrinsic joy that comes with doing those things, rather than from something with delayed gratification? Some things, like saving money, working out, writing a couple pages a day might lead to delayed gratification in the form of money to for retirement, a killer physique and a book. But live too much in the future and you never live in the now — what do you enjoy for nothing but the sake of doing it? - What did you want to be when you were older as a kid?
Did you want to be a footballer? A dancer? A YouTuber? A spy? What was it that you wanted to be and why?
I hope these questions engage you to reconnect with your values, with your natural inclinations, with your dream.
