How To Succeed at University
Making the most of a turbulent time
Let’s start with the obvious.
What does it mean to succeed at university?
What does it mean to make the most out of this precious time?
Here are some criteria:
- Making friends and joining communities
- Growing as a person (finding new things you like and perhaps more importantly, things that you dislike)
- Doing and learning things that you enjoy
Here is a summary of my university experience with tips and realisations:
First Year
Lacking confidence. A great tendency of avoiding taking the initiative in social settings — letting others decide what to do, where to go. Very much going with the flow, joining a house of some really great people but some of whom I shared little in common with, perhaps out of a fear that I wouldn’t be accepted elsewhere and an unfounded belief that I wasn’t able to choose who I wanted to live with. The fact that I actually had a choice seemed so odd to me when I was in that bubble.
Going from one thing to another: joining the development squad for tennis, the futsal team, as well as recreational stuff like climbing, judo, swing dancing, to name a few. Although it helped me realise what my priorities were, I certainly wouldn’t recommend doing so much in a time that is already so turbulent and stimulating.
First-year was ultimately the biggest jump — going from living with my parents to being somewhat self-sufficient, exploring completely different sides of myself, and being exposed to so many insane but also wonderful people.
Realisations:
- Be happy to say no to potential options for housemates in second year.
Be confident in yourself. Realise that you are able to live with who you want, with people you want to live with. You do have a choice, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Try to have conversations with people you like about living with them. It’s scary but so worth it. - Select a few societies, groups or activities that you want to try and stick to them if you enjoy them.
I wouldn’t suggest doing what I did and move from society to society — staying in societies or groups for the duration of a year or your university experience really allows you to develop deeper friendships and connections and become part of a community. - Don’t feel like you have to abandon your routines and ways of living that most appeal to you.
Sure, don’t be completely rigid about it — one of the points of university is to explore yourself with unfamiliar and different people and situations, which is inherently uncomfortable. Therefore, allow a little bit of flexibility but know that you can always come back to what you know. For example, know that you can always contact your family — one thing that I did not do a lot of in the first year.
Second Year
A year characterised by a lot of stress, frustration and burnout but also some incredible life-altering experiences. The first semester was one of freedom, new relationships, parties and friendship, a relief after the long lockdown in the UK. Covid played a large role during this year which definitely influenced the dynamic of our household as Covid ‘returned’ over Christmas. What really kept me going during this year was having things to work towards: fundraising for an exciting goal (climbing Everest Base Camp), my relationship at the time, and my degree. Online learning sucked. Sports and societies were a no-go as well as going out in general. Learning how to generate good feelings in isolation was difficult.
Realisations:
- Reach out to friends and family.
I did not reach out to friends and family during my most difficult moments and I suffered greatly for it. It’s ironic that in our most vulnerable and needy times we want so badly to be alone, believing that no one else can understand. Talk to people about your problems. Realise that you are not alone. - Communication is by far the single most important aspect of all types of relationships
Address problems as they come. Don’t brush small (recurring) or big problems under the rug. They only come back to haunt you, especially in relationships. - Thinking long-term: how can I stand out from the crowd as I leave university?
A degree isn’t sufficient anymore. What skills can I develop? What kind of person can I become? Try and get experience that will help you in the future, whether placements, internships, years abroad, videos, blogs or part-time jobs.
Third Year
The start of my third year of university was filled with uncertainty, anxiety, and anger. However, my third year of university became the year I really ‘came into myself’ and discovered what I want to stand for. I became more grounded as I realised what many of my values truly are. I found so much joy in that which I had previously neglected: family, the simple pleasures, friendships. I found, in the wake of a breakup, that I had so much I needed to explore by myself, to learn and live and reflect. I found that I really can choose who I want to spend my time with — it’s up to me. I was grateful to be invited into fantastic communities like the Arab Society and their football team. I was invited to travel (and ski) with friends around Turkey. I learned so much about how important friendship is for life’s happiness. Ironically, it was in my third year of university that I called my parents and brother the most, almost two or three times a week.
I found, just as I had at the end of primary school, at the end of my time living abroad, at the end of sixth form, that just as I was beginning to figure out what the hell was going on, just as I was becoming significantly more confident, I was moving onto the bigger, scarier thing.
Realisations:
- Play the role of a connector.
We all feel like we are always the ones who organise things. “Why should it always be us”, we exclaim. But the truth is, pretty much everyone feels like this. Therefore, I’ve found that sometimes, within reason, you’ve got to suck it up and play the role of a connector. Host now and then. Organise dinners, bowling or movie nights. Be the person who connects incredible people. Yes, there is the stress of hosting (particularly parties) but there’s also the feeling that you don’t get elsewhere — that of deep meaning and satisfaction, that of knowing that people had a good time. - Invest energy and time with the people you want to become close to
This links into the above. Check-in on friends. Invite them to things. These things are basic but we forget that as adults we actually have to organise things — far away are the days of school where it was all done for us.
However, also realise that friendships evolve over time. Friendships I had in first year, that perhaps were not incredibly exciting, evolved into some of the most satisfying friendships I have. Life really is unpredictable. The point is: you have an active role in who you choose to be friends with. - Go on university-organised trips.
If you have the opportunity to, I would thoroughly recommend it. Trips are by far one of the best ways to develop friendships with people from all over the world. All types of societies often organise trips: triathlon, hiking, maths… - Find a community of people you admire.
Of course, you will inevitably not admire every person in a group, society or community, but the point is to join a society in which people have qualities you want to gain, stories you want to hear, things you want to do. In my final year, I joined the triathlon society and developed a passion for swimming, cycling and running. I found people who loved the thrill of pushing their bodies through pain to a worthwhile end. I found people who loved the great outdoors, an active lifestyle, and funnily enough, value 8 hours of sleep. I found people who loved camping, hiking, travelling. - You are young. Don’t expect to get it all right. Feel free to focus just on yourself.
At the start of second year I told myself that by its end I would have finished a book. I have now graduated and it is most certainly still a work in progress. This is just one example of some of the things I wanted to be perfect. The point is, make your own choices. Make your own mistakes (you will make a bloody lot of them). These are the years you learn. These are the years to experiment. These are the years to discover who you are, what you like and dislike. Don’t be afraid to escape narratives that hold you back, with consideration of course.
Conclusion
It’s been a hell of a ride and I’ve learnt a lot.
Before I came to university I seriously debated whether it was worth it. After all, what else could I do with £50,000? However, I now see this as an investment in myself that was thoroughly worth it. It is the nature of a university that you are exposed to ideas and people that you never would have thought you would have come close to. You are pushed so far out of your comfort zone you are almost forced to change many of your ways of thinking and living — this is not a bad thing. Embrace it. Be flexible. Have an open mind. Encourage debate. Your perspective of the world expands so drastically you look back at yourself as a caveman, stuck in a past of naivety.
In second year I seriously considered dropping mathematics in favour of say psychology or philosophy. In hindsight, I am extremely happy I did not, both for financial and career reasons. Completing a degree in mathematics allowed me to explore my analytical ability whilst, more importantly, keeping my options open. It was good to adhere to the advice of my father: “If you’re interested in psychology, just pursue it in your free time.”
One of the most important pieces of advice though is to challenge yourself. Put yourself out there. Try things that aren’t characteristically you and persevere in them long enough to really evaluate whether you want to continue. Whatever you do, be proactive. Don’t think that things will just happen. Gone are the strict guidelines of school and college. It’s up to you to make that choice.
