Self-Improvement Only Goes So Far

The limitations of endlessly optimising

I have come to a point in my life where I have been forced to confront the fact that external achievements and self-improvement cannot fill the void that comes when we neglect spending time serving others and contributing to things far larger than just ourselves.

Self-improvement is a critical part of becoming a better person but I have experiencing the drawbacks that come with going beyond a healthy level of self-optimisation and self-improvement.

On paper, I have been doing it right.

I’m learning a lot about myself and pushing myself beyond what I once thought I was capable of. I released my book, “Limitations are Perceptions” after three years of work in June earlier this year. I completed my first triathlon that same month after a few years of injury. I have read countless books on relationships, Stoicism, psychology, meaning. I’m getting great feedback at work. I’m settling into a new city and new home. I have a personal trainer at the gym and setting PB’s consistently.

It all appears exceptional, but therein lies a problem. A singular, resounding problem — it’s all about me.

Me. Me. Me.

Despite these (on paper) impressive accomplishments, I’ve felt a profound void, a yearning for community, an emptiness untouched by external achievements, no matter how strenuously I’ve pursued them.

This realisation has brought me back to a fundamental truth: external achievements are merely one facet of a rich and complex life. At its core, life revolves around people, community, and faith. Life centers on things and ideas far grander than just oneself. In the relentless pursuit of individual goals and achievements, I have overlooked the fact that we are all part of a vast ecosystem shared by billions of others.

And so I realised that there comes a point when self-optimisation goes beyond having a significantly net positive impact on ourselves and rather becomes a selfish and narcisstic activity and ironically a bottleneck to becoming a more rounded and better person.

We are all unique and in different phases of our lives — some of us need to focus more time on improving themselves. Some of us need to take our foot off the gas pedal. It’s time for me to start looking at tempering that pre-occupation with my own goals and open my eyes more to the wider world, to activities that bring joy to other people, that are part of something bigger than just myself like faith, volunteering, community initiatives and team sports. This is not to say that I don’t need to improve myself — of course I do. I’m human and thus have flaws just like everyone else. Rather, my point is that I had lost clarity on the why behind such self-improvement: to be a better person to others and to bring joy to other people.

What phase of your life are you in? Do you need to temper the amount of self-improvement in your life or do you need to perhaps focus a bit more time on yourself?

Thanks for reading!